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[Ember Phoenix]

<3

     There was only so much advice that she could ask for. Utriu had fallen silent after her ranting and shouting had ended, sinking back down into the depths. He wouldn't come back up for her, not this time. He had told her what he thought many times before, but she hadn't taken his advice. She'd come back time and time again to ask him what to do, to shoot questions at him from different angles, and now he was growing impatient. The whale was wise, much wiser than her, but maybe he didn't know her as well as she had thought. He thought that she could do this, when she knew she couldn't.

She had come to the Kalona's den before, earlier in the day, but had turned back and gone off into the brush before she could be discovered. Ember had thought about talking to Dawali about it for weeks, and knew that it was the thing she had to do...she just didn't want to do it. She couldn't do it. Their friendship was important to her, and so was the tribe. She could risk damaging both of them if she confessed the things that she'd been feeling over the last few months. It had been a slow, gradual change for her, but now it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world.

She hadn't had to do anything this hard in a long time. When Khaden had left her she thought that her life was over. He had been the first one that she'd ever felt anything for and when he had been around in Esper Hollow he had taken really good care of her. Could she handle that kind of pain again? She had changed, yes, and she wouldn't try anything drastic like she had in the past. But if she didn't know how Dawali felt, then it was easier for her to imagine that he might feel the same...rather than finding out and having her hopes dashed.

Ember was without her cloak today but wore her sword, its brown sheath hanging down from a belt around her waist. She had taken special care that morning to brush her hair out so that it shone, dark brown and black hanging long and straight down her back. Small glass beads were braided into some parts, brightly colored feathers tied carefully to other pieces. It was late afternoon now, the sun's rays stretching across the lands and creating long shadows. Bright green eyes fixed on her own shadow where she stood, just out of view of his den's entrance. She watched as one shadow-foot moved, then the other, and then the first one again. She was going to do this. It wouldn't be easy, but she had to at least admit how she felt. Dark feet stopped a few feet away from the den, arms crossed as she stared down at it. "Dawali? You home?"

[Dawali Amara]

Sorry for the wait. Word Count: 520 come dance with the west wind and touch on the mountain tops A familiar voice outside his door caused him to look up from his work. You could say a number of things about Dawali, but in all matters he went for the practical solution. If he needed a blanket, he would make one. Actually, he was pretty good at making them, and liked to give them away as gifts. He had a collection of devices to help him weave the strings of dyed cloth in advanced patterns, and he was quite satisfied with the one he was making now. It was bright red, with a large sun in the middle. It would remind him of summer during the long cold moons ahead. Little did he know that had he been a human, the other males of that species might have looked at him strangely. Men did not make blankets for a hobby, at least not on a general basis! Then again, Dawali was not a human, and he did not know, nor care, about this. What was unusual about making a useful item, after all? Now, the work-in-progress was put away, and he swiftly got out of his primitive, chair-like seat. The den was small, and only a few strides was what he needed to reach the wooden door. The weather was slowly growing more and more hostile, and a gust of cool air rushed into his den as the door opened inwards. Smiling as he usually did, his face was clearly pleased to see his most trusted tribesmember. Hey, come on in! Not stopping to check if she was coming, he simply turned halfway and left the door with the femme. His home was always open to his friends, and in time Ember had proven to be more than that, as well. There was no other person he knew he could rely on as she, and their friendship meant the world to him. Sitting down again, he studied her form - and the sword attached to it. He did not like the device, but only because it reminded him of his own weakness. His heart harbored much respect for Ember for her ability to carry and wield it with grace. Together with the dark flow of hair and a colorful dress she was quite a sight. His arms were on the primitive table and the extra chair-like structure was ready for her to take it. He'd made all his clumsy furniture himself and was pretty proud of it. Silently, he waited for her to sit down; his face a smile.

[Ember Phoenix]

sexy new sace table It was hard, doing something that she knew she had to do...but not wanting to do it at all. She didn't know how to start saying what it was that she wanted to say, how to form those words and let them come out of her. It had been what seemed like forever since she had said anything like this to somebody; her relationship with Khaden had been more about need than anything else; she had needed someone to watch over her, to make sure that she didn't do anything horrible to herself. She had changed so much since then that she couldn't use any of her past experiences as a baseline for what to say or to do. He appeared out of the shadows, the door opening up to give her admittance. She forced a smile and walked down to her doom, hands clutched together before her nervously, tail stock-still. She sat down at one of the chairs, leaning against the back of it so that it would offer her numb body some support. Maybe she didn't have to even do this today...maybe she could get out of it somehow, and just say that she'd come to visit him. What a relief that would be! No. It would be torture. To not have an answer and to be left pining, as she had the last few weeks? The dark wolf didn't even wait for him to sit down before she spoke, beginning the conversation. "I had to talk to you about something"

[Dawali Amara]

Pretty! And it randomly fits well with the red in Ember's dress, too :] Word Count: 337 come dance with the west wind and touch on the mountain tops However ignorant of certain social ties, the change in Ember did not go unnoticed. Not a change that happened then and there, but the unusual something which seemed to be in the way of the normal Ember. She had something on her mind, obviously, and as she opened her mouth and stated that she 'had to talk to him about something', his assumption was confirmed. His mind shot to the visit Catherine had paid him; could it be something like that? Was she injured or was she ill? Perhaps, but somehow Dawali believed her person would be different if she was merely ill. That, and the fact that he could normally tell when someone was ill enough to need a medic. No, there was probably something on her mind, that was all. And that was good, because he was uncertain how he would react to her having pups just now. He didn't shift or move, but kept his friendly face; open and sincere, just as their friendship was to him. Truly, Ember was more than a simple friend or a sub-leader. She had a sharp mind, and she could be trusted fully to do the right thing without his supervision, which in itself was a great relief to a leader. After having promoted her, he found that he was not burdened as much by the sheer weight of things he needed to do. Now, he knew that if he did not do everything, someone else might cover for him, and it lifted his spirits greatly. In fact, he found himself always looking forward to their regular meetings, whether on business or for good old fashioned killing time. But, the female in front of him was not at ease as she usually was, and naturally it worried him deeply. His eyebrows twitched as he thought, but his face was still open to what she had to say. Whatever it was, he was certain it wasn't something grave, because Ember would not let him down. Sure, Ember, what's up?

[Ember Phoenix]

A strange sense of calm overtook her as she opened her mouth once more to speak. No longer did she feel like the room was getting smaller, that he was growing closer and closer to her, squishing her, making it so she couldn't breathe, couldn't think. She stared at the wall behind him for a few moments as the calm feeling came, washing her body in a sort of cool energy. She was a warrior--she could admit something like this. "I have feelings for you. Things I haven't felt for anyone in a long time...since my mate took off 'bout a year ago. And even then, it wasn't this strong. I came here ta tell ya that." She admitted. Ember wanted, hoped, that he might say something of the sort back to her but braced herself for the worst, claws digging into the chair that she sat in, creating small scratches in the wood. She had looked at him while she'd said it, looking for some kind of a reaction, but now she stared down at the table, embarrassment growing. It was an awkward situation all around.

[Dawali Amara]

I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting :((( Word Count: 605 come dance with the west wind and touch on the mountain tops He was relaxed and comfortable in the presence of Ember. Always. Her trust in him seemed to be as strong as his trust in her, and he could act naturally around her. The whole seance with the fishing rod, for example: few had seen him at such a loss before. He would not allow it. But with Ember, everything was different. She was perhaps his closest friend in this place, and he cared about her a lot. The relaxation he felt disappeared from him as she opened her mouth and spoke very directly of her feelings. A strong blush rose in his face, one that likely would be visible through his reddish furs. What?! His eyes widened marginally, but his face did not change. In fact, it was as if his whole body went rigid, and he did not or could not move. A stiff and uncomfortable feeling. He diverted his gaze to the boards of his strange and awkward-looking table. It looked as awkward as he felt. He would never have guessed that! He was the kind that was oblivious to such things, unless someone spelled it out for him. Perhaps she had tried to tell him in other ways, but he was immune to any advance. Firefly had tried a year ago, and even her openly sexual comments had not made him understand. He had realized only days later, in fact, and then he had been embarrassed, too. In some ways he was innocent-like; he had only had one mate and one love before. In that sense the two were the same. Thoughts raced through his brain, and as he desperately searched for something to say, an awkward silence grew between them. Suddenly, he was aware of all his limbs, if his feet were close to hers on the floor, if his hand was closer to him than her, where it rested on the table. But did he care about her in that way? He had never thought about it, ever. He would not know. Perhaps he had thought about it, and dismissed it as affection for their friendship? He could not know. And if he responded in the wrong way, she would be hurt, either now or in the long run, if he was wrong about himself. And he never wanted to hurt anyone, that was not who he was. He was bewildered and suddenly awfully concerned about his friend in a wholly different way. But, as he realized, she was his friend, and she would understand him, would she not? The only way to go was honesty. I.. did not expect that. His gaze moved, now, from her face - which expressed just as much discomfort as his own - to the table, to any other object in his den that his eyes could reach without him bending his neck. I'm sorry Ember, I don't know what to say. Now the yellow eyes lingered on her face, and he thought to himself that she was so young. So much younger than him, and he felt like a dinosaur. Hell, she wasn't much older than Asha! I have never thought of our friendship like that. Now he felt more awkward, the blush was renewed, and as his eyes dropped to the table surface to linger there, he thought for a moment to touch her shoulder or something, but it would probably not be a good idea. It would just be the wrong thing to do. He was an expert at doing the wrong thing. His fingers moved in patterns with each other as he wondered what he felt. He was not certain.

[Ember Phoenix]

<3!!!! She had thought that there were clues to how he felt, little hints, but now she could see how wrong she was. His stance changed and got stiffer, harder, and she felt her embarassment increasing. Was he ever going to speak!? She felt so stupid just sitting here in the silence. Ember stood up after a minute, taking a few steps back. He didn't even have to say it; she could see it in his face, in his eyes, what a fool she had made of herself. Ember had thought that she was taking a chance by doing this, but she hadn't realized how hard it would be to hear him say no. She pushed the chair back in as he started speaking, trying desperately to keep from feeling it all. She couldn't let the emotions get to her, she couldn't let them take her over like they had in the past. She had to get control of herself! She shook her head a few times as he said what he needed to say, walking to the path back up out of the den. "Sorry. I shouldn't have read so far into our FRIENDSHIP. You won't have to worry about that any more--I won't get the wrong idea again. Just forget I was ever here!" She turned, starting back up the steps.

[Dawali Amara]

Incoming dramatic scene?! ;D come dance with the west wind and touch on the mountain tops She changed as they sat in silence, he could tell; it was obvious she was uncomfortable. And no wonder. If he had been the one in this situation, surely he would feel as awkward as her body told him she felt. He had expected her to remain calm, somewhat, but as his words entered the air, she did no such thing. Suddenly this whirl of strange signals. There was hurt in her voice, and anger? Was there anger? He did not know, he did not have time to think, because she was soon out of the chair and on her way out, moving and talking abruptly. Suddenly, he thought that for once he understood why her name was Ember, because at that moment she seemed afire with her emotions, but not in a good way. Not for him, not for her. He jumped out of his chair as he started after her, desperate to make up for his mistake, even if it was no mistake. His voice called out, loudly, calling her name as he followed her. Ember! I am sorry! She moved swiftly, like a warrior would, but her legs were shorter than his, and his arms were longer than hers. He would catch her, but did not right then. Will you wait and listen? Ember! There was a plea in that voice, for she was not just upsetting him; it seemed to him that she was throwing away their whole friendship entirely. He had never asked for that, he did not want it! She was his right hand and he needed her in his life, even if his emotions did disappoint her. It was not his fault that she felt this way.

[Ember Phoenix]

:D Running away was what had always helped her in the past. She had tried to face her problem with Firefly back when they had been younger and had gotten a broken arm for it. Then she had run away and everything had ended up working out. That was the whole entire reason that she had decided to become a warrior in the first place, to never feel that weak or that defeated again. Ember's whole life was now centered around Aniwaya and her training...and Bayard and Utriu. She couldn't imagine a life without those things. Just as she couldn't imagine a life without Dawali as her friend. She stopped when he told her to wait, half because he was her leader and half because he was her friend. She had to listen to him. "You shouldn't say you're sorry. You don't have anything to be sorry about. I'm the one who's sorry! I'm messing everything up."

[Dawali Amara]

^^ This post is a little crap :< Word Count: 314 come dance with the west wind and touch on the mountain tops She stopped, and his shoulders relaxed a little just from that. So, she would not leave him in a flurry of confusion - good. She might be confused, but imagine how he felt! One moment, everything was normal, one moment she had torn his view of reality away. And he felt like it was his fault no matter what she said, for not having the feelings she wanting him to have. As if it was a flaw of some kind, that he lacked something. As she stopped, her voice continued to blame herself, and Dawali halted, uncertain. To some degree her words made sense, but they did not reveal all of it. It wasn't his fault, and it wasn't her fault - it was no one's fault. I'm still sorry, though. His voice was reserved and low, with none of the usual boom and authority. Perhaps it was true that she messed everything up with this, because a moment ago they were friends, and now he did not know what they were. His stance made it clear that he wished to say something more, and his face made it clear that he did not know what to say. Perhaps he wanted to touch her shoulder, perhaps not. He did not know, but the situation was awkward beyond what he could handle. He did not agree that he had nothing to be sorry about, because his friend was hurting and it felt like it was his fault. Ember.. What I meant was.. I haven't thought about our friendship like that, because I've not thought about anything like that, not in ages. He'd been alone for so long, he didn't know the alternative anymore. Sad, perhaps, in its own way, but in many ways the tribe was his child, and his lover. His time was occupied, and he was content. Or so he thought, at least.

[Ember Phoenix]

is not! She hadn't really known what else to do other than tell him what she had told him. It had been eating at her for weeks...it'd been horrible. But right now she would almost take it back, almost change her mind and not have told him at all. This embarrassment was the worst, the guilty feeling like she'd done something terribly wrong. "You're here, Dawali, but sometimes I feel like you're not. The rest of your tribe is out there somewhere, but you're here." He said that he hadn't felt like that about anything. Not even about his tribe? "This is our tribe, and both of us have to be here for it 100%. We owe it to the members." She had been so preoccupied with her feelings for him that maybe she had forgotten that too. "But I meant what I said, about forgetting that I ever was here. Forget that I said it. You don't feel the same, so it will only cause problems if we dwell on it."

[Dawali Amara]

Ah, well this post actually is crap. Sorry for the wait - you know why<3 Word Count: 327 come dance with the west wind and touch on the mountain tops Words spilled from her, words that he couldn't quite comprehend. What did she mean —to strike his loneliness harder? Yes, everything he had ever known before this place was elsewhere, and potentially dead. Here, there was him, and Gvihita. Sometimes his daughters visited him, but most of the time it was just him. And she could perhaps not understand how it felt, but there was a family in him, and it was buried with his deceased wife. After that, it had all gone to pieces. A slow flame of hurt grew in him as he felt as if she accused him of things that were not true. Words are powerful tools, but their weakness is interpretation. His face changed and his voice was cold as he replied, feeling as if he had reached out to her, and received something quite different in return. I do not wallow in self-pity, if that is what you suggest, but I am accustomed to my nonexistent family life. And tell me, Ember — am I not a good enough leader for this tribe? For you? And what does it have to do with your feelings anyway? Honestly, he felt indignant that she would bring the subject of his leadership into this at all. It was irrelevant, and negative. I could have left, but I did not. Saying I haven't felt like that doesn't include my rank, it only includes my heart. And his heart was not accustomed to being in used aside from parenthood. He did not say it, but he thought it. There was a limit of things he wished to say now, walls raised and stance defensive. His eyes studied her face as he spoke, now more composed. His collection was from distance, now — she'd earned it. I can not and will not forget that you were here. Deal with it as you please. He stood tall and rigid, waiting for a response. Hopefully she had the decency to apologize.